May 2002 Contest

Ah, the big shiny black and red box. You know what it has. All eight volumes of Neon Genesis Evangelion, including the remastered first volume. You know you have to see it. Many won't consider you a real anime fan until you see it. It's simply a must. And courtesy of the folks at ADV Films, we've got one box to give away to one lucky fan.

We've come up with something of a creative contest to give this bad boy away with. Using the eight images below, come up with some kind of story. If you've never seen the show before, you're free to make up something out of the blue. Even if you've seen it before, you can rework it to your hearts content. The pictures can be done up in any order, not what we list below.

Send us your entry with the storyline or captions to us at evabox@animeondvd.com. Be sure to send your address as well so if you win, we can send off the prize as soon as possible.

Entries will be accepted from 05/01/2002 through 05/31/2002 @ 8 pm EST

The fine print: All entries become the property of AnimeonDVD.com and may be used in any promotional way. Contestants email addresses will not be given out to anyone. AnimeonDVD.com reserves the right to cancel or alter the contest at any time due to circumstances, however this is highly unlikely so fear not. AnimeonDVD.com reserves the right to add rules at any time. Only one entry per person.

Once upon a time, during a promotional tour of Japan, the wrestler known as Hulk Hogan learned about something that the locals called "anime." Wanting to fit in, he went out to the Ginza and bought himself a Mt. Fuji of DVD's. As he popped one disc after another into his DVD player, he soon became a mega anime-niac! But little did this otaku-wrestler know that, among the pile, there lay a mysterious moldy-green disc that wasn't on the receipt. And when he tried to watch it, he was suddenly zapped into his TV Captain N style! Now, finding himself trapped in the bodies of anime celebrities, he tries to survive in a strange, new world.

This is his story . . . brother.

HULK HOGAN'S QUANTUM LEAP INTO ANIME!
Today's Episode: Asuka accepts! The Red and Orange Eva!

<Day 1 - Noon>

. . . .
" . . . Whoa dudes. Where am I?"

Our prowrestlingtagonist, Hulk Hogan, wakes up with a groan on the floor of an empty bedroom.

"Last thing I remember I was wearing a tuxedo and had all these roses. And then . . . then I got beat down by all these schoolgirls . . . after their leader got eaten up by a monster while I signed autographs for the fans. The Hulkster must've looked like such a pansy, brother! Well Hulk, let's check whatcha look like this time."

Hulk strolls to a nearby mirror and . . .
[Picture 4]

"Great madness of Miss Elizabeth!! Th - that's me?! Deja vu dudes, I'm Sailor Mercury!! I'm still stuck in the same anime!! Hold on, Hulk, this girl DOES have blue hair, I'll give her that, but that's where the similarity ends, brother. Look at her eyes . . . she has eyes of fear! She looks like she has BEEN to the Valley of Shadow and Death, dude! And she . . . she's naked! No, I'm naked! Holy Giant Gonzales!!"

DING DONG!
"Oh Reeeeei~!" Knock knock knock!

"Ah God! This is not good news, Hulkamaniacs!" Hulk looks through the front door's peephole and sees Shinji and Misato standing outside. "Hey, it's those Evangelion dudes! Oh brother, I haven't gotten to those DVD's yet! Whatcha gonna do, Hulkster, whatcha gonna do?!! Ok, Hulk, first thing first."

He looks at [Picture 8].

"How do you use these things?!!"

Outside . .
Shinji: "Are you positive she's home?"
Misato: "Sure she is! She doesn't get out much, you know! And I can't wait to see her reaction to this dress I bought for her birthday. She doesn't have much of a wardrobe, heh. Reeeeei~!!" Knock knock knock!

Inside . .
Hulk: "Just a second, dudes!! Ok Hulk, remember not to give yourself away and screw up that space-time continuum thing like last time! Just play it cool, dude, just play it cool."

Hulk opens the door. "Hey if it isn't my brothers, Bundy and Rotundo!"
Shinji and Misato's jaws drop.
Shinji: "Um Rei, how come you're wearing your bra like a weight belt?"
Misato: "And your panties like a bandana?"
Hulk: "Ah God! Be right back, dudes!" Hulk rips the dress out of Misato's hands, slams the door, pulls it on, and bounds back out.
Misato hands Shinji a tissue for his nose bleed. Misato: "Ok, can you explain what just happened, Rei?!"
Hulk collapses at Misato's feet and weeps: "Oh Rotundo, it's horrible, brah! Y'gotta let me stay at your place for awhile! This dude is not feeling so well, and things are not what they seem anymore, brother! *Achoo!* Yeah, must be one evil cold dudes! Please Rotundo, if you help me out, by God I swear I will get you ringside seats at the next Wrestlemania!"
Misato and Shinji sweatdrop.

<Day 2 - Morning>
- At Misato's residence -
Hulk: "Hey brothers, why do you keep calling me Ray? Do I look as fat as the Big Boss Man, Ray Traylor to you?"
Misato: "Don't be silly, it's because you ARE Rei!"
Hulk: "Oh I gotcha, dude! You think I'm zee Bad Guy, Rrrraaaayzor Ramon?"
Asuka: "Listen. Me Asuka. You Rei. R-E-I!"
Hulk: "Now I see! So I'm Rei, huh? Well you didn't have to spell it out, Abdullah!"
Asuka: "For the last time, the name's Asuka!!! Sheesh, what's wrong with her today? She keeps getting our names wrong, she keeps saying stuff like 'dude', 'brother', and 'brahs', last night she spent an hour flexing her muscles at the bathroom mirror, and I swear I've heard her mention something called 'Hulkamania' at least once! This is not the Rei I know! This . . . this must be an Angel! An Angel has infected Rei's body!" Asuka shakes Rei. "Hey you Angel! Give back Rei!"
Hulk: "Get your hands off me, dude! Y'know something, you can mess with the character, you can mess with the gimmick, you can make the Rei-ster slip on a banana peel for the 1-2-3, but when you try to make a fool of this dude by accusing him of being POSSESSED by angels, and we know those good angels up there don't go doing that stuff, THEN you are messing with the man, Rei Hogaaaaaah'll get back to you on my last name. Abdullah, I understand you are young, you are new blood, you have not gone through the pain and the sweat to be at the top of this sport! But this has got to end, so Rei, the Immortal Evangelion, needs to teach you a lesson in respect, brother! That's right dude, I am ISSUING you a challenge, you versus me, one-on-one in a pro-wrestling match! And . . . . and . . ."

Hulk spots Penpen the Penguin opening the bathroom door [Picture 1].
 

Hulk walks over to him and points. ". . . this dude is going to be our referee, because with no rules, no disqualification, the referee might as well be a stupid penguin!"

Penpen: "Psst . . ."
Hulk: "Huh?"
Penpen: "Psst . . . hey I resented that comment. You know why? Because I am Mr. Perfect!"
Hulk: "MR. PERF . . ."
Penpen: "Shh, keep it down, Hulk! I've watched until Episode 20 and so far, this penguin doesn't talk much."
Hulk: "But you can't be Perfect. The brother's back at the hotel resting for tomorrow's steel-cage match at the Tokyo Dome!"
Penpen: "I *am* Mr. Perfect! Can't you tell by how I wear my towel around my neck? Listen Hulk, a lot of wrestlers on the promotional tour wanted to fit in and bought themselves a bunch of anime DVD's. Because I am Mr. Perfect, I only bought Perfect Box Sets such as Evangelion. So of course, I was shocked when I found this single moldy-green disc in my shopping bag!"
Hulk: "Hey brother, that's the same one I found before I got . . ."
Penpen: ". . . zapped into the TV. Yeah, I was taking it easy when my first host-body was a singer in this movie called Perfect Blue. I thought I had it good because it IS Perfect like Mr. Perfect. But then I started getting stalked and everything . . . I mean, I still don't know why it's called Perfect Blue! But now, I'm wondering, what other wrestlers at the hotel got that same moldy-green disc?"
-
Somewhere . . .
"Ah, another delicious stew for all the little Pokemon prepared by yours truly. IF YOU SMELLLLL . . ."
"Cut it out, Brock! For the last time, we already know what you're cooking!"
"Pika pika."
-
And now we return . . .
Penpen: "There's some evil force that's trying to stop Wrestlemania from happening, and I'm not talking about Ric Flair. So just stay calm, Hulk, until we can figure out what's going on. Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Perfect has to take a bath . . . and it'll be absolutely . . . perfect."
Misato: "Penpen, you can talk?!"
Penpen: "QUACK! QUACK!" then slams the bathroom door.

Asuka: "I've been thinking about that proposal, *Rei*, and here's my answer: Yes, I will accept your challenge! In fact, I'm so confident I will beat you, you can even fight me in MY EVA!"
Shinji, who has been eating cereal silently all this time, does the spit take. "Asuka! What are you saying? Do you want to die? ASUKA!"
Asuka: "I do not kid. Rei, I know your weak spot and trust me, you're toast!"
Hulk: "Ahaha! Ahaha! Then it's settled, brah! And Abdullah, you know what you are? . . . you're . . ." He opens the fridge to see [Picture 7].

"Whoa, empty cans go in the recycling bin, not the fridge, brother! So you call Pepsi 'Yebisu' here in Japan, huh?"
Misato puts down her breakfast beer: "Hmm? Actually . . ."
Hulk takes out a can. "Abdullah, imagine if you will dude, that this forehead is me, the Immortal Evangelion, and this Pepsi can here is you, the dime-a-dozen punk! And when you go one-on-one with this brick wall . . ." Hulk flattens the can on his forehead, spraying beer everywhere. ". . . THAT'S the first impact you will feel, brother, that's the . . . Whoa, dudes, did someone get the license plate of that Hummer? . . ." Hulk faints.

<Day 3 - Afternoon>
Misato and Shinji are standing in front of Makudonaru (2 for 1 burger Sunday!), waiting for the bus. Hulk runs up to them.
Misato: "Hi Rei! How's your forehead? You were out for an entire day, so we went to get . . ."
Hulk: "Hey, thanks for all the get-well cards, but the Rei-ster is back in black and at 100% brahs. In fact, me and that punk have agreed to wrestle tomorrow and you're invited, dudes! Here, I wrote this up an hour ago! Whatcha think, brothers?"
Hulk hands each a pamphlet.

[Picture 3]

Shinji reads: " 'Nipple Extreme Rasslin Violence presents Rumble Genesis! 10 am tomorrow on the Battleship Yamato in Tokyo Harbor. Main event: The Immortal Evangelion Rei in some Eva machine vs. That No Good Snot-Nose Punk Abdullah.' Um, her name is . . ."
Misato: "REI! It's Nippon, not Nipple!"
Hulk: "Hey dude, you're either with me or against me. And since I know you don't want to mess with the 24-inch pythons, I will see you two at ringside tomorrow morning! Now hit my music!" Hulk poses, cups his ears to the traffic, and then struts off, leaving Misato and Shinji to watch pebble-eyed and miss their bus.

<Day 4 - Morning>
- On the Battleship Yamato -

Hulk grabs a microphone: "Glad to see ALL OF MY FANS could make it to my match! You guys are the best brothers in the world!"

Shinji's classmate, Kensuke, looks left to Shinji, then right to Misato. "Um, we're the only ones who came."

Hulk continues: "Now, after I single-handedly annihilate Abdullah, the Rei-ster will gladly stick around to sign autographs! Alright, now where's that snot-nose punk hiding? Which way did she go, dudes, which way did she go?"

STOMP! STOMP!
Asuka's Eva mech climbs onto the battleship.

Hulk stares upward: "Ah God! Andre the Giant is still alive?!!"
Asuka climbs down from the cockpit.

Asuka: "There it is, *Rei* . . . my Eva. You recognize an Eva, riiiight?"
Hulk: "Ahaha! Ahaha! You're finished, Abdullah! Not only is this machine going to end your career, but it just so happens to be red and orange, the colors of Hulkamania! And nothing has ever stopped . . ."
Asuka: "AH HA!! Hear that guys?! She said Hulkamania!! I told you I told you!"
Hulk: "Fine, the charade's over, dudes! I am not Rei, I am . . . Hulk Hogan, the IMMORTAL HULK HOGAN!!"
Penpen slaps his face with his flipper.

Hulk steps forward and Asuka and Hulk have an eye-to-eye staredown: "For your information, brother, the Hulkster somehow got zapped into his TV and landed in this animated world. And I don't know who's responsible for making me go Roger Rabbit, but they will pay in due time. But what is certain is this: in my knack of the dimension, I'm what you call a legend. I'm a hall-of-famer. And, by God, I'm a 14-time World Champion!! I bodyslammed giants, I sent Sgt. Slaughter and the Iraqis packin', I tossed Rocky Balboa around the ring like Caesar Salad, but above all else, I channel the soul of Hulkamania through my veins. And lemme give you the lowdown on this ultimate force: Whenever thunder strikes down a mountain, it ain't Mother Nature, it's Hulkamania. Whenever America moves, it's not continental drift, it's Hulkamania. And whenever a tornado bulldozes through Kansas City, it by God is not the Wizard of Oz, it IS Hulkamania dude! I may be 50, but Hulkamania is my fountain of youth. So since you had the balls to get in the face of the Hulkster, there's only one thing left to do. One line left to say, one question left to ask: Whatcha gonna do, Abdullah? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS - WILD - ON - YOU?!!!" Hulk unsuccessfully tries to rip his Eva suit apart. "Hey, what's with this thing? I can't do the growl without . . ."
Asuka: "Now, here's my response to that: MY NAME IS ASUKA!! Now get in that Eva!!"

<A few minutes later . . .>

[Picture 5]

[Picture 6]

Shinji: "Um, Rei, I mean sir, isn't it a bit unfair to use the giant knife? I mean you already have that giant mech . . ."
Hulk from inside: "What dude? I was just trying to reach forward for the controls. Hey there are no controls! Whoa, this thing moves with my body!" Hulk figures out how to use the knife to scratch his back. "Oh yehaha! This is more awesome than when I tagged with Mr. T and . . ."
Asuka: "Ding ding ding. Alright Hulky, don't sing it, bring it!"
Hulk: "Ok dude, but remember, the Hulkster ain't gonna go . . . lightly, ung . . . on, grrr . . . you . . . errr, why is it so hard to move forward?! Go forward, brah, go forward! The 24-inch pythons commandeth you!"

After a minute, the Eva executes a clothesline and misses Asuka by a mile, literally. Asuka has yet to move.
"Brother, you asked for it! We're gonna skip to the finish, the LEGDROP OF DOOM~! Just – urg . . . ok, left foot up! . . . and err Hop! Hop! C'mon hop already! Wh-wh-whoooooa . . ."
The Eva loses its balance and slips off the battleship, slamming right into the nearby oil rig [as seen in the background of Picture 6] . . . crotch first.

[Picture 2]

Kensuke turns away in horror.
Shinji winces: "Ow. That's gotta hurt. I used to be unhappy with my life, but now I'm just happy not being him."
Misato looks on in pride: "Asuka knew his weakness all along! Nice job, Asuka!"
Shinji: "Weakness?"
Misato: "Yeah, even though the body is young, you can't synchronize with an Eva if you have an over-the-hill mind."

Still standing in the same spot, Asuka watches the Eva, half submerged in the water, crumple into a fetal position: "Hahahaha! You're wrong, Hulky, I didn't have the balls but it looks like you did!! The 14-time World Champion has been toppled by a 14-year old schoolgirl! Whatcha gonna do about that, BROTHER?!"
Penpen: "That's it! I'm calling this a count-out! Asuka wins! Nice going, Hulk, you are NOT perfect!"
Misato: "Hey, did I just . . ."
Penpen: "QUACK! QUACK!"
Misato thinks: "When did Penpen start sounding like a duck anyway . . .?"

Meanwhile, in the darkness of the Eva cockpit . . .

"Ohhh . . . This thing's got some sort of biofeedback going on dude. Can't feel below the waist. The Hulkster's going in shock . . . Can't hulk up this time. But what went wrong? How could Hulkamania fail me?"
[Flashback to Picture 6]

"I mean, I had the Red and Orange backing me up brah . . .
". . . Wait . . . wait, hold on a second. Hulkamania – Hulkamania isn't Red and Orange, Hulkamania is Red and Yellow!! And . . . and . . .
[Flashback to Picture 5]

". . . she . . . she wore a YELLOW dress and a RED bow . . . She used Hulkamania against me! The weasel! Didn't I have anything Red and Yellow on?"
[Flashback to Picture 8]

"No, I remember! . . . this Rei dude had no red or yellow bras or panties! Fate has been unkind to the Hulkster today. Without Hulkamania, the Hulkster's toast. Help me . . . help me Hulkamaniacs . . . There's no place like home, brah . . . There's no place like home, brah . . ."

Silence.

Then Hulk's eyes slowly open. Trees. Grass. A hilltop.
. . .
Hulk sighs. "No, still not home. Another anime world. Who am I this time, brother?"
A distant voice: "HEY KEROPPI!!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" *anime fall*
 

–
And now, the FCC-required segment added to the English dub: The Hulk Says!
"Y'know something Hulkamaniacs, the Hulkster has gone against a lot of big, scary dudes, but none has been as big and scary as this Abdullah girl."
"That's Asuka!!"
"Sorry, Asuka. This underdog earned the respect of Hulk Hogan when she beat me on today's episode, so I have to give her credit, she's a cut above the rest. Why dudes? Because she wore the Red and Yellow. And I suspect that she takes her vitamins and says her prayers too. So kids, if you believe in Hulkamania and the Red and Yellow, if you train hard, take your vitamins and say your prayers every night just like Asuka did today, then my little Hulkamaniacs, you can never go wrong. Maybe one day you might even beat the Hulkster himself, but I doubt it. Hulk Hogan says . . . later dudes! Ahm-hm!"

END.